Anchor.
I don’t quite have an anchor in my life anymore.
In times long gone, it was church, oddly. I say oddly because church often was a major source of stress; events, people, politics.
But yet, it was something that anchored my life. My schedule was organised around it; thoughts of church never too far off from the forefront of my brain.
With church work far out of the picture? I’m an aimless fool. It’s not something I would readily admit but I know that I’m just ambling from one weekend to another. Doing things that I want to do.
Is it really that bad a thing?
Quite so, if you ask me. I feel so selfish now, my schedule being of things that I want to do. It doesn’t contribute to another person’s life, doesn’t bring happiness to someone. Just feels wrong.
And the best I can do is just to whine about it now. Mentally, even. Typing out this post isn’t an attempt to redeem me or gather sympathy; I just need to get this out of my head. It’s not just a thought in my head now, it’s an actual problem that I’ve stated.
I don’t know. Without an anchor I’m just another wandering soul in the sea. Pointless, irrelevant, a drop in the sea of eternity. What do I matter, really.
And yet you are there, anchoring me to reality.
But dare I hold on to you,
When my heart says aye,
But my brain says nay.
