It’s been a good holiday so far.
I’ve had my fair share of excitement, fun and laughter. And on the flip side also many disappointments, mind-numbingly dull and isolated moments. So I call it a very balanced holiday.
But as the date of my enlistment draws near (slightly more than 2 months to go), it’s clear that life is teaching me one lesson to prepare for the 2 years of servitude I’m going to have to endure, and that lesson would be mental toughness (for a lack of a better word at this moment).
When I look back at the start of the holidays, it was full of meeting new people and constant going outs. Every other day was packed mind you, and was I glad for it. It really made the 3 years of slugging for projects and exams worth it when you had as much fun as i did. Even the drama I had… I treasured it. It added food for thought for me during the holidays.
But as time drew on, reality sunk in. Disappointments… ones ranging from the typical (should have seen ’em coming) to the bummer ones (at least I learnt something new). And as life would have it, I’m just sitting mostly at home doing mundane and pointless things.
For the most part, i’ve coped well. I’ve managed to bury a little part of the past that I dragged along for a while, and I’m not going to dig it up ever again. On my part at least. For the new disappointments, well I learnt something new about myself. Sometimes it doesn’t pay to be you, all the time, and I’m told that moderation is the key.
And these days I’m just slugging it up with my ipad and me (and my laptop occasionally), and fighting the thoughts in my head. You know, the one which talks trash just to get you all upset. It sounds all lonely and solitude and all but it ain’t all that bad. For the most part I’ve sorted out all the crap in my head that got me down when the holidays grew sour, and I have definitely grown from that.
So what I used to see as depressing and sad, I have come to view these very much quiet times as learning to live with myself. So maybe I’m a little down or not as chirpy as a couple or months back, but it’s not everyday that you get to live with noise and company and love all around you.
But you know what?
I’ll soak in the sadness and dullness of now, if only to better appreciate the sweetness and fulfillment of later.