Next to me, a space to be filled.

Why don’t I just move on?

Easier said than done, really. Not when for the past 2 years my mind has been nothing but… a whirlwind about her.

I bring the car to a stop, no easy feat given the darkness doesn’t really help a probationary driver. Just last night I got a dent in Dad’s car. I don’t think he spotted it yet. God help me if he does.

I crunch through the gravel underfoot. It supplements a nice earthly soundtrack to the chaos in my mind now.

*Crunch* Why not me *Crunch* Don’t do this to me *Crunch* Maybe I didn’t say enough *Crunch*

What a way to end the night. Reaching home at 1am, feeling shitty like hell. Even the honeydew-scented shampoo coupled with a hot bath ain’t going to temper my mood.


Well it does, somewhat.


Thank God for buying a springy bed. At least something in life is going to catch me when I fall.

Although that something isn’t a she… nor does it have brown hair… or hair that has a whiff of rose…

No. Don’t think.

Then think about what? How perfectly balanced your books are? How comfortable life is now? How you don’t have to impress your boss anymore?

Oh? Oh of course. Those are fine… Well then, let’s think further then. Are you happy? You telling me that you have a bounce in your step every morning? That you can walk past that place without flinching when you see her?

Don’t think? Goddamn it Roy, wake up. You do nothing but think. And that’s why you lost.

Sigh. Whatever good the bath did, it’s gone now. I’m just going to sleep.


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