I’m listening to music while my firefox has various tabs open, all containing different interests.
So messy, so ADHD, so 3 months before, so me.
I really miss this feeling. The feeling that the world is spread wide before me, and that while maybe I’m too damned distracted to focus on a single thing, if I do so; I can and will do that.
But this moment is going to be fleeting anyway. Come Sunday night I’m going to pack my field pack off to camp I’m gone again. Where adaptability comes in. Where survival comes in.
It all sounds rather dramatic. Like BMT is one season of Survivor.
But it is. You’re placed in an unfamiliar situation, needing to work with others. Some genuinely helpful, some harbouring ulterior motives.
But forget the rest. You don’t feel or know it, but you subtly change. You change slowly but surely, driven by the desire to win the game.
Then when you watch yourself on TV you realise how different you are from what you thought of yourself.
Man. It all sounds so damn dramatic. But it is. That’s what I feel anyway. Like life’s just one huge drawn out drama for me and I just can’t get a break. I just want… stability. Stability in the sense that there are no surprises for me, no mood swings, no emotional thinking, no changing of the status quo.
But the straws keep flying, don’t they.